Bitter Dream
by ElspethElf
Summary: Numair's frustration and troubled thoughts about Daine as he lay beside her in Temptation Lake in the 4th book.


Finally! Internet access has come back!

I have suddenly entered an extremely fluffy mood and decided to write this little story. The front summery is pretty much what this one-shot is about. I hope you will enjoy it. Reviews appreciated.

Thank you.

* * *

**Bitter Dreams**

**By ElspethElf**

* * *

'We are shielded from sight and sound,' I told her as I tugged off my boot with a sigh, glad, not for the first time that we have finally arrived at Temptation Lake.

Settling myself on the hard ground I glanced at my student and friend of the past three years. She lay sideways, her head propped against her hand, eyes looking at the rocks I had spelled with a kind of deep awe.

'And the rocks?' she asked, her voice donned with her usual curiosity.

I smiled, my mind thinking immediately how charismatic she looked when her lively gray eyes widened as she looked at me. A curl of smoky hair fell across her eyes, and I fought a terrible urge to brush them away.

She really was growing into a fine young lady before my eyes. The person whom now I accompanied was so different to the young girl who had saved my life three long years ago. Although she never lacked in courage or bravery, she had been much more uncertain of herself, of what she said and did. Her eyes, I remember clearly, had been much frequent in displaying fear and doubt.

But now…

I sighed, feeling oddly apprehensive about continuing my chain of thoughts. The Daine I know now looked much older; the years of hard work and learning gave her a depth of maturity, as did the numerous battles washed away her uncertainty and made her bold. Her grip on her wildmagic, too, is improving at miraculous speed. In all my years I have not met one whose pace in learning and progressing could match hers. Soon she will have no need of me by her side.

The thought was utterly depressing. I sighed again, swamped by a sudden, selfish urge to keep her, even by means of through force, with me forever. Amidst my own unreasonable thoughts, I noticed Daine looking at me oddly, and realized that I have not answered her question.

I made myself smile, though the effort was feeble. 'We only have one blanket and a cloak each. You know I don't like to get cold.' So saying, I rolled into my blanket and, trying not to be too abrupt, turned my back towards her.

I felt her questioning gaze like the sun on my back. Hoping to sound neutral, I murmured, 'goodnight, magelet,' and after a pause I heard her settle in her own blanket.

I sighed again. Already she has begun to suspect something. I have seen those furtive glances she gave when she thought I was not looking, and that piercing, questioning glint in her blue-gray eyes. So piercing that I was stripped bare, and afraid for a split second that she already knew.

Already knew that I…

Frustrated, I kicked my blanket sharply, and then froze as I heard Daine beside me stir. Even though I have made sure there was an appropriate distance between us, I still felt her every movement as clearly as if it was my own; the way her stomach moved to her breathing, the soft sighing of her breath, even the flutter of her eyelashes goes by unmissed. And her lips – the way they always opened slightly as she slept. For a fleeting moment, I was overcome by the urge to touch those soft lips, to know what they felt like against my own.

God save me, I have _got_ to stop thinking about her like some perverted drunkard. I have no right to regard her this way, to abuse the position of tuition that I was lucky to own. Nor do I have any right to stand in her way when she is ready to marry.

I risked a silent, dry laugh. Just_ thinking_ of the word 'marriage' creates a searing pain in my chest, suffocating me with the madness to strike anyone who dares to claim her hand.

I stared up at the sky, its black gaping face gazing at me without pity. The bright stars shone brilliantly, _spitefully_ back at me.

I closed my eyes. No, there really was no easier way for me to accept the hard truth other than that sometime in the sure future, a young, eligible man will come by and win Daine's heart.

I remember Daine's scoffs when I mentioned marriage to her, but there really was no doubt that she will wed one day. Certainly, there is no questioning the fact that she will have no problem in getting proposals.

I know Daine will grow up to be a powerful and accomplished wildmage, whose magic will attract numerous men, as would her unforgettable looks. Already I have seen young men passing with their heads turned, mouth open with admiration. Perin the clerk certainly goes out of his trouble to make sure he crosses her path on his endless errands. Even Kaddar, now the Emperor of Carthak had been much taken by her presence.

I remember preaching the young Prince about mistreating Daine – and her embarrassment and anger for my troubles. True, I was sorry to have humiliated her but it was necessary. She was so young, her mind so very innocent. She could not see, although it was written plainly, that Kaddar had far greater ambitions than just being friends.

It was just a matter of time. Soon, maybe even tomorrow, Daine will learn the joy of falling in love, and when she does, I will be forced to watch from the shadows. When she weds, I will just be another faint acquaintance, the teacher-who-is-also-a-friend in her eyes.

_And are you content with that? _A sneering voice in my head asked.

No, I bloody well am not.

It was no use. I was getting myself worked up more and more by the seconds. Turning with an irritated grunt on to my side again, I forced myself to sleep.

I woke again some time in the night, listening to the unnatural silence that was created by my protective circle. The silence broke shortly by a soft moan from over my shoulders. Immediately I sat up and turned to Daine.

She lay on her back, head tilted slightly to one side, a cloud of smoky curls around her head. Her shirt had somehow twisted in a queer way that part of her shoulder and neck was exposed. Gently, I lifted one edge of her blanket and pulled it over her.

From somewhere under her cover, a blot of black flashed past and the darking jumped on to Daine's sleeping figure.

Bouncing, he more or less squeaked.

'Shh. You'll wake her.' I poked the little inkling and he buried himself into the folds of the blanket. As if by some cue, Daine stirred and murmured something. Without thinking, my hand reached towards her face and touched her cheek. It felt warm and soft, and as if possessed, I moved my fingers down to her neck.

Slowly her eyes opened, and staring at me with dancing eyes, her hand closed around mine and smiled.

Now I understood why this was called Temptation Lake – at least for my own part. Looking down at her now, with my hand still lingering on her neck, it was downright impossibly hard turn away.

'Numair?' I heard Daine murmur through my raging, inner battles of self-control. They vanished completely when I felt the gentle, but unmistakable tug on my arm as Daine pulled me nearer.

Overcome by inducement I leaned down towards Daine and closed my mouth on hers. My hands fastened around her slender neck and shoulder and I pressed closer against her.

My mind raged as I kissed her, the feeling of burning desire nearly making me faint. Beneath me, I felt her body subdued and unresisting and a wild shiver ran through me. I could have done anything I wanted.

In the heat of everything, I found my hand running down her neck, along her arm and across her stomach, down to –

I sat up within a tangle of blanket pouring with sweat. Panting as if I had been on the run, I glanced to my left at the sleeping figure of Daine.

She slept peacefully, a tangle of hair across her face. Her mouth was slightly open, a smile played across her lips. No doubt she was dreaming about her animal friends.

How very innocent her dreams were compared to mine.

Tearing my eyes from her, I did not know whether I felt relieved or disappointed. Relieved – because it had been a dream, and that I could not go further than beyond reasoning and commit something that I will loathe myself for life. Disappointed – because it _had_ been a dream, and that my feelings for her was only a one-way path.

Weiryn, you'd better spear me with your arrow now. Anything is better than the torture that I now writhe in.

I wiped my forehead, thinking I seriously needed to exercise the grip on my emotions. Sooner or later, if I don't keep them under control, I would ruin the sacred bond that has enthralled between Daine and I.

I stole another glance at Daine and shook my head. Spelled lake or not, I was going in for a cold shower.


End file.
